When our loved ones pass away, we ask God to give us at least one more chance to be able to see them alive again, one chance to hold them in our hands again, a chance to hear their voice again, hug them tight, tell them how much we love them and one last chance to ask them to forgive us for all the shortcomings we have done while they were still here with us.
The loss of a family member is the worst experience anyone can ever have. It is a loss that will never be replaced. A kind of grief that will never go away. Experts say that after the death of a loved one, it is normal to grieve for one to two years. Beyond this period is not considered normal. My opinion? Those that say this are the ones who are not normal. Grief can never ever have a prescriptive period nor a deadline. It will forever be arched in your heart, in your very own soul for the pain of losing a loved one will never go away.
Of course, you will be able to go through life again after a while but this doesn't necessarily mean that you will not hurt anymore. There will always be this sadness that will never leave you. You hear a song, it will make you cry. You smell their familiar scent, it will make you sad. There will be certain dates too that will devastate your heart.
The first loss in the family i experienced was when Grandpa passed away. We were not really very close but i know he loves me dearly, being the eldest grandchild. His death was a bit sudden. After his funeral, he had become what you can call a familiar ghost visitor. He would always make his presence felt. I recall that there were many instances during my younger years that he would make his presence felt when i am or about to be in trouble. Looking back now, i wish i had taken all those as a warning and my decisions would have been better.
A very devastating loss we experienced in the family was the passing away of Grandma. We were all very close to her. As a child, she was our playmate. We have many memories together. Grandma was and will always be a part of my childhood life. She was the one we would run to for rescue if we were not allowed to play. She loved telling us stories about her life as a child and stories during the war. Growing up, we would always be in her house. Things changed a bit when we, her grandchildren started working. There was a very little time spent with her. We were together mostly on special occasions only. I know Grandma was sad about that. When she passed away, i cried a river. I regret all those times i could have spent with her but didn't. I wish i hugged her more. I wish i told her over and over again that i love her. Things went back to normal but the sadness over her passing stayed. I know i can never have Grandma back. All the regrets and pain will never vanish.
The most recent loss was the passing away of my Dad. We were never really close. He was the aloof kind of dad and we didn't get along well. It was like he was black and i was white. We didn't agree on anything. There were times i actually resented him. Then sickness came. We had a hard time keeping up with the illness that he acquired. Until one day, he just stopped opening his eyes. He was alive but he just kept his eyes closed. It was just heartbreaking but we all prayed hard that things will still go back to normal but sadly, it wasn't meant to be.
Then that fateful day came. It was hard to grasp everything that was happening. Seeing him lifeless like that was a scene that i will never be able to block off my mind. It's something that keeps on coming back no matter how i try to get it off my mind. Still another loss accompanied with a million regrets. Why did i do this, why didn't i do that? Just makes it so devastating even more. It's hard to lose someone you love, but even harder if you have countless regrets in your mind.
Death will always be the most feared incident that may ever happen to anyone. Life goes on, yes it does. But the pain in your heart will never leave you, no matter what.
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